The Times, They Are A Changing.

This week I went on my first job interview since 1984. I got the job! It is a part time job as a receptionist and doing paperwork for an Senior citizen home care provider/assisted living facility.

It feels good to get back out into the "real" working world again. I've worked for myself for the past 25 years, and will continue to work in our business during the week.

The biggest challenge right now is to find a frugal way to build a professional wardrobe. Working at home and doing the type of work we do, my wardrobe consist of mainly blue jeans and tee shirts.

I've managed to find quite a few items on clearance at stores like Catos and have enough to get started with a basic mix and match black based wardrobe.

I haven't been around here much because we have been busy with so many things. My daughter has been here for 2 months. She leaves tomorrow.

My son was injured (dislocated knee, torn ligaments) while moving out of state and it has been very stressful for us to figure out how we can best help him. He is over 14 hours driving time from here and flying back and forth is out of the question. He is an adult and capable of handling most of the details himself but needs help getting around and finishing his move. I'm waiting for the details about his surgery to be finalized.

One thing is for certain: Life is always going to be a challenge. Sometimes it is very difficult to find something to be grateful for in the middle of the chaos. But it truly makes all the difference between living life or just merely existing and enduring to the end.

Pic: Roses in a small bowl. Special effects done in Photoscape.

Lazy Beyond Belief

Maybe it is the weather. Maybe I'm getting old. I don't know. What I do know is that all I want to do is sleep. I want to curl up in my warmest, coziest pajamas and hibernate like a grizzly bear.

My family would have a very poor opinion of Mama bear sleeping the day away. I beat the mattress monster off and drag myself out of bed everyday. I really need to get some things done around here.

We are past our 39 days of H-E-double toothpicks. Counting cousins and Grandmas we have 7 birthdays and our anniversary between December 1 and January 8 and then my sister on the Jan 13. We even managed to survive Christmas and New Years.

Now it is time to settle back down to schoolwork, get the taxes done, go back to work in our business and get my house clean. I haven't even taken down the Christmas tree yet. Sigh.

The days already seem to be rushing past like a fast moving stream. 2008 was gone before I knew it and 2009 seems to be moving at the same speed.

I'll be posting soon. I've got some great new pictures to share. Thanks for all the sweet comments on my older post. I appreciate them all.

True Love

Thirty years ago today these two young people got married.

Her family didn't want her to marry him.

His family didn't want him to marry her.

They didn't care.

They did it anyway.

I think they made the right choice. *******Carrie and Randy at Cades Cove*******

Hard Candy Christmas: Frugal, Wise, Or Am I Just Plain Cheap?

Yesterday at the grocery store I listened to the cashier and the bagger talk about buying Christmas presents. "I've still got to buy presents for my husband's brother and his family. I don't know what I'm going to get them but I'll have to wait until I get my paycheck cashed."

To that the bagger replied, "My mom has put everything on her credit card. She will be fussing about it when the bill comes!" They both laughed and the cashier looked at me and said, "Well, I guess there is no way out, what are you going to do anyway? It's Christmas."

I smiled at her and said (What was I thinking? I should have just poked myself in the eye with a sharp stick!), "My family isn't giving gifts to each other this year that cost over $25. We don't have any little children . We decided that we just don't need anymore stuff. We only buy for our immediate family, not the extended family because they all live out of state and shipping is just too expensive. We would spend more on that than presents. "

She stopped dead in her tracks, mouth slightly open as she stared at me, "No presents over $25? None?" "None. We took a trip to see my daughter at Thanksgiving and we are using the money we would have spent on presents for paying debt and to increase our savings." She narrowed her eyes and grunted, "That doesn't sound like much fun. Don't you think ya'll will miss opening lots of presents on Christmas morning? I would hate that."

I replied that I didn't think that would be a problem as we had other things planned for the day and that just being together would be enough. I took a minute to try to explain how important it was to us to get out of debt and for our children to understand the concept of living a debt free life, not to mention learning to put the idea of having so much "stuff" in it's proper place.

I was met with nothing more than a look of annoyance and a muttered " Well, I guess so, but it sure doesn't sound like Christmas to me." As I walked away I think I heard the word cheap muttered by someone. I left the store feeling a little chastised to say the least. I loaded my groceries and on the drive home questioned our decision to forgo so many presents. Am I wrong? Is a Christmas without lots of presents somehow not Christmas at all? Am I indeed being "cheap"? Should I feel ashamed that I'm not loading the space under my tree with beautifully wrapped, put on the credit card, presents?

By the time I had reached home I had calmed down enough to answer the question with just one word. No.

Why should I be ashamed of living within my means? Who created the idea that spending money you don't have is a virtue? And why did I even have to think twice about it being one? Old habits die hard.

Somewhere along the way we have been made to think that we should identify our self worth with the stuff we possess. I want to change forever the way of thinking that says I need to be ashamed of not being able to afford something. I want to instill in my family the idea that saving for what you want, or just for a rainy day, is a virtue. Now that, that is a gift worth giving.

Photos

My daughter and a friend asked me if I would take some pictures for them. They have known each other since kindergarten and wanted some good pictures together. We had a lot of fun and I had fun editing the pics and trying out some special effects.

Birthday Surprise

Today is my 50th birthday. I was feeling a little down. Not because I'm 50 but because I had to work. I was sitting working and chatting about gardening with Angie when Tyler, Randy and Juliana walked in and said "Mom, we have another present for you." I turned around and there stood Jesse! He flew in from San Antonio for my birthday. I was so surprised. I haven't seen him since last October so this is the best birthday present ever!

Pic: Mom and her boys.

What I Saw: It Was 30 Years Ago Today

My husband came up to me this morning, smiled and asked a question that I have learned to fear...."Do you remember what today is?" "Hmmmm....Wednesday?" I asked lamely. "Yeeessss....but what day is it?" "Uhhhhh....Garbage day?" I stuttered. It was no use....I was in trouble. I thought it was guys who could never remember important dates! Unfortunately, in this case, it is me. Sigh.

Actually, in my defense, it is Wednesday and garbage day. It also happens to be the 30th anniversary of the day I met the man with the memory of an elephant.

He planned a sunset picnic at the lake to celebrate. We walked on the shore, ate great food and watched the sun set. It was beautiful and romantic and made me very glad for the man with the mind like a steel trap.

The Cause Of Grey Hair

This email has been going around. I think my Mom sent it to me. It is very true and I thought I would share it.

Do you worry?

Is there a magic cut-off period when offspring become accountable for their own Actions? Is there a wonderful moment when parents can become detached spectators in the lives of their children and shrug, 'It'sTheir life,' and feel nothing?

When I was in my twenties, I stood in a hospital corridor waiting for doctors to put a few stitches in my son's head. I asked, 'When do you stop worrying?' The nurse said, 'When they get out of the accident stage.' My Dad just smiled faintly and said nothing.

When I was in my thirties, I sat on a little chair in a classroom and heard how one of my children talked incessantly and disrupted the class. I was certain that he was headed for a career making license plates. As if to read my mind, the teacher said, 'Don't worry, they all go through this stage and then you can sit back, relax and enjoy them.' My dad just smiled faintly and said nothing.

When I was in my forties, I spent a lifetime waiting for the phone to ring... the cars to come home... the front door to open. A friend said,'They're trying to find themselves. Don't worry, in a few years, you can stop worrying. They'll be adults.' My dad just smiled faintly and said nothing.

By the time I was 50, I was sick & tired of being vulnerable. I was still worrying over my children, but there was a new wrinkle. There was nothing I could do about it. My Dad just smiled faintly and said nothing.

I continued to anguish over their lives, be tormented by their frustrations and absorbed in their disappointments. My friends said that when my kids were married, I could stop worrying and lead my own life. I wanted to believe that, but I was haunted by my Dad's warm smile and his occasional, 'You look pale. Are you all right? Call me the minute you get home. Are you upset about something?'

Can it be that parents are sentenced to a lifetime of worry? Is concern for one another handed down like a torch to blaze the trail of human frailties and the fears of the unknown? Is concern a curse or is it a virtue that elevates us to the highest form of life?

One of my children became quite irritable recently, saying to me, 'Where were you? I've been calling for 3 days, and no one answered I was worried.' I smiled a warm smile. The torch has been passed.

Piano Man

Mom, Sonya and Laura, this is for you. Enjoy.

Happy Birthday Mom!

Today is my Mom's birthday. I hope it is a great one. Happy Birthday Mom!

My Mom, my Dad and Me about 1959.

Sweet Days Of Childhood

I just love this post about children's imaginations. It is so sweet. It brings back memories of my own children and their imaginary friends. My daughter had a little sister with pink eyes and pink hair who drove a pink pick up truck and my son had a friend named Cecil who he talked to through a banana "phone". That lasted until he accidentally ate Cecil one day.

I miss those innocent, joy filled days and this story of a little girl and her friend the rock brought back some good memories.

Christmas Ornaments And Gift Tags

It isn't always easy to get kids interested in sitting down and looking through family genealogy and I think it is important that they know something about their family history. I thought it would be interesting to include ornaments for these family members in away that would be fun and educational.

I did some brainstorming and came up with this idea after watching a scrap booking show where they made gift cards using movable elements.

I bought this box of tags at a yard sale for 50 cents. I wasn't sure what I would do with them. I knew that gift tags were a real possibility but I wasn't sure about any other uses. I just knew that there were possibilities and the price was too good to pass up.

Using paint, glitter, beads, jewels and Mod Podge from my supplies and photos I printed out I created these tags that I am using as ornaments on my tree. The backs are equally decorated and include names and relationship. I am a glitter kind of girl so I brushed each with a coat of Sparkle glaze after the Mod Podge and they look great on the tree. My favorite it the "shaker" ornament. I used the plastic cover from a pack of safety pins for the cover. I put beads and a little gold glitter inside and glued it to the decorated tag. The beads and glitter add some fun and interest. The possibilities are endless as to what you could add, any small item would work.

These would also make great gift tags. You could use pictures of individuals instead of names and they could hang them on the tree after they open their gifts.

Pics: The middle picture: Me with my middle sister at my grandparents home (Yes Sonya, I'm making one for you too!), My mom at 18 (Wasn't she pretty?) , My husband is the little boy on both tags (What a cutie!) , and my dad's parents.

Halloween Blues

It is our first Halloween since 1983 without someone dressed up and going Trick or Treating. Usually we are running around finishing costumes and stressing up until the last minute.

Tonight we all decided since we hardly get any Trick or Treaters on our street (1 last year) we would go to the mall and costume watch. It really was fun. We ate and watched the costumed people parade by. We saw some adorable costumes and I was pleased to only see one gory looking costume. I know that isn't the norm but it seemed this year even the adults were more creative and interesting than usual.

1st prize has to go to the 6ft tall man dressed as a whoopie cushion! It was hilarious! I wish I had thought to take a picture with my phone.

My favorite kid costume was this adorable reproduction of an Anne Geddes photo. So original. Dad will probably have a sore arm tomorrow! Sorry it is blurry I took it with my phone. Anyway I thought I would share a few pictures from Halloween past.

Napoleon Dynamite. 2 years ago.

Crocodile Hunter, Pink Lady, Golden Girl (?) and our friend Chase as Harry Potter

Beauty and The Beast. I was really proud of the makeup job on the Werewolf. It was awesome in person. Laura made her Belle costume.

"You're our only hope Obi-Wan."

Baby Spice. Afraditie. Zorro and Terminator.

A Time For Everything

Autumn has finally arrived for real. When I step outside I can see it, I feel it, and I can even smell it. There is something so nostalgic about fall. Just a passing from one season to another, yet somehow more than just that. Summer days are filled with sunshine and blue skies, picnics, road trips and ballgames, evenings at the lake or on the shore of the river.

Somedays we just sit, swaying gently on the porch swing, watching fireflies. Summer is a season of light, a time of action. Now, Summer is fading, giving way to a different kind of light, a light that has a different angle. A light that lies lower in the sky and gives a different look to things. The sky is bluer, just in time to show off the color of the leaves against it. There is change you can feel. The air is different, the sky is different, and the landscape around reflects it all.

I feel the changes more this year than ever before. I can feel them in my body. I'm not so young anymore. Things ache that didn't. It takes longer to get going in the morning. It takes more effort to do things that were easy before. The saying " Life is like an hourglass glued to the table." has a meaning now it didn't have a few years back. Maybe all this melancholy over the seasons changing is because Jesse is leaving.

I remember when I left Laura at Berea. I thought I would never again be able to take a deep breath without crying. It was always right there, just below the surface, the pain of missing my child. But she was only 2 hours from home and we could see each other and talk often. I learned to cope with her absence. She shared her life as much as possible with us and we added layers to the connection we shared. She has continued to do so and I find nothing has diminished, only increased. The space we share in life is richer and more colorful.

With Jesse it is different. We haven't really shared such a strong connection as Laura and I since he was a preteen. Being the first teenager in our house could not have been easy on him. It certainly wasn't easy on me. I had no idea what to do. He pushed and I clung. He would be angry and I got mad back. I scolded and he stared defiantly. I was so afraid, he didn't care. I made so many mistakes. So did he.

I fell so in love with that boy from the second I found out that I was pregnant. I cannot explain how deeply I felt connected to him. He was the fulfillment of a dream. I was unprepared for how intense the feelings would be. I was petrified by the idea that something would happen that I couldn't protect him from. Losing him would be more than I could bear.

Everything about him was perfection in my eyes. The problem was I wasn't perfect and neither was he. I was so young. I had not become a person yet myself. And yet, here I was trying to nurture someone else when I was barely able to stand on my own. The truth is, just like my other three children, he came to me a little person already. He was there all along, and I was the one lucky enough to have the chance to find out who he was, all I had to do was be there when I was needed. The journey with my children has been an awesome one and I would do it all over in a heartbeat.

Now, just as I am getting to know the adult he has become, he is moving a thousand miles away and I am afraid again. Afraid of the same thing I was afraid of since the day he was born. Losing him. Losing him, means losing part of me, there is no way to separate the two. It makes me uncomfortable and I don't like to be uncomfortable.

I have built my little nest, got all warm and cozy, now a storm has come along and I have to repair all the damage.

It is a new season for me. There are new challenges, new experiences, new feelings to deal with. My job is done. I have to find a new path, a new way of being a mother.

I have to look deep inside and discover how to live this new chapter in life. What do I find? Someone else to nurture.

The truth may hurt, but the fact is I guess I'm not through growing up myself.