New Roads. Changing Attitudes.

My part time job has turned into a full time position. Starting last week I'm full time working 3:30pm-Midnight. I'm still working in our family business as well. My husband and son make most of our signs and I do the finishing work.

Getting back to working in an office has been interesting. I'd dreaded the office drama that always seems to be going on. It doesn't matter if you work for the best company in the world, there is always at least one, and usually more, person that just can't help but cause a little drama.

I've heard the typical "Just between you and me..." statements. I'm pretty good at tuning those out. I like to know who I can trust and who is trouble, but I want to find that out for myself. I don't like gossip and won't believe anything until I see it for myself.

When I was younger I always got betrayed or used because I trusted everyone much too quickly. That is one great thing that aging does for you; if you pay attention you can learn to read people and prevent a lot of personal disappointment.

But sometimes you just don't see it coming. Sometimes the people are so good at it that you would never believe that they would ever take a swipe at you.

Sigh...maybe I'm not as good at reading people as I thought I was.

To my credit, I did kind of have a suspicion, but I didn't want to believe it. Today I found out. During a meeting a lady who has treated me wonderfully since I have been here hit me with a left jab. I had forgotten to do something that I am supposed to do. Something that is important, but not earth shaking. But even so, I should have remembered.

She had seen it a few days ago but waited until she got in the meeting with our supervisor until she bothered to point it out. I guess to make herself look good to our supervisor. I think it is because our supervisor was praising some of my ideas earlier this week and I think it may have made her feel a little threatened. I don't know.

Twenty years ago I would have been very upset by it all. I'm surprised by the fact that all I feel is sorry for her. I'm sorry that she has so much fear that she would find comfort at another's expense and such a need to build her own self up.

I have to examine my own work, not in respect to what she has to say, or even my supervisor, but how I feel about it. The only person that I can blame is myself if things don't meet the standards that I set for myself. No one can make me a failure. Only I can do that.

Tennessee road nighttime and in the rain

The Times, They Are A Changing.

This week I went on my first job interview since 1984. I got the job! It is a part time job as a receptionist and doing paperwork for an Senior citizen home care provider/assisted living facility.

It feels good to get back out into the "real" working world again. I've worked for myself for the past 25 years, and will continue to work in our business during the week.

The biggest challenge right now is to find a frugal way to build a professional wardrobe. Working at home and doing the type of work we do, my wardrobe consist of mainly blue jeans and tee shirts.

I've managed to find quite a few items on clearance at stores like Catos and have enough to get started with a basic mix and match black based wardrobe.

I haven't been around here much because we have been busy with so many things. My daughter has been here for 2 months. She leaves tomorrow.

My son was injured (dislocated knee, torn ligaments) while moving out of state and it has been very stressful for us to figure out how we can best help him. He is over 14 hours driving time from here and flying back and forth is out of the question. He is an adult and capable of handling most of the details himself but needs help getting around and finishing his move. I'm waiting for the details about his surgery to be finalized.

One thing is for certain: Life is always going to be a challenge. Sometimes it is very difficult to find something to be grateful for in the middle of the chaos. But it truly makes all the difference between living life or just merely existing and enduring to the end.

Pic: Roses in a small bowl. Special effects done in Photoscape.

Lazy Beyond Belief

Maybe it is the weather. Maybe I'm getting old. I don't know. What I do know is that all I want to do is sleep. I want to curl up in my warmest, coziest pajamas and hibernate like a grizzly bear.

My family would have a very poor opinion of Mama bear sleeping the day away. I beat the mattress monster off and drag myself out of bed everyday. I really need to get some things done around here.

We are past our 39 days of H-E-double toothpicks. Counting cousins and Grandmas we have 7 birthdays and our anniversary between December 1 and January 8 and then my sister on the Jan 13. We even managed to survive Christmas and New Years.

Now it is time to settle back down to schoolwork, get the taxes done, go back to work in our business and get my house clean. I haven't even taken down the Christmas tree yet. Sigh.

The days already seem to be rushing past like a fast moving stream. 2008 was gone before I knew it and 2009 seems to be moving at the same speed.

I'll be posting soon. I've got some great new pictures to share. Thanks for all the sweet comments on my older post. I appreciate them all.

The Sky May Or May Not Be Falling

I think some people are born being a pessimist. The glass is always half empty. Everything in the world is preventing them from finding their way in life and trouble is right around the corner.

I've been there, done that, and got the tee shirt. I work everyday, every single day, to overcome it. I've driven my family crazy worrying about their safety, their happiness, their health. As crazy as I have driven them, I've driven myself even closer to the edge worrying about them, and worrying about things that may or may not happen in my own life.

I saw a funny sign the other day: "Don't tell me worry doesn't work. 98% of the things I worry about never happen.". That has to make you smile. There is humor in truth when you finally see it.

If you turn on your television, or radio, or surf the internet, or go anywhere in public, you hear the talk. The fear that the world as we know it is coming to an end. Maybe it is. Maybe it needs to. Maybe it is supposed to. All I know is that there is someone else in charge of things. He promised us a long time ago that he would take care of us, not forsake us, if we would just have faith.

Matthew 6: 25 Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?

26 Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?

27 Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?

28 And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin:

29 And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.

30 Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?

31 Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?

32 (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.

33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

What will happen tomorrow? I don't know. Will it be bad? Maybe. Maybe not. Am I going to worry? Probably. But I'm going to try hard to have faith that one who knows and cares for me is in charge. What happens is for my own good and no matter what, the sun will still rise.

What I Saw: Carousels And Wedding Bells

We went to the beautiful wedding of my friend's son this past weekend. I have known him since he was around 2 years old. It was wonderful to see him so happy. The wedding was held at the Knoxville Zoo. I had some reservations about the local when I saw the invitation but it proved to be lovely. Carousel rides were available and I took advantage. I can't remember when I had been on a carousel last. I thoroughly enjoyed it. We danced the night away and enjoyed the fellowship of good friends. I wish them a long and happy life full of as much love and fun as their wedding .

I'm Still Here

I haven't fallen off the face of the Earth. I've been canning, freezing and dehydrating the last of the garden and produce that friends have been kind enough to give me. More is on the way today! I'll have pictures and a few recipes to share in a few days.

Meanwhile, here is a great freebie I found while surfing. Wee Wonderfuls is a very cool blog. Hillary is giving away a pattern for Christmas stockings that are adorable. So check it out.

Photo is property of Hillary at Wee Wonderfuls.

History Is Made

I am finally jazzed about this election. John McCain's pick of Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin as his running mate has made this the most historic election ever in this country. We will have an African American president or a female vice president. Wow!

Grieving, Forgiving, Living

Tribute to Maria

"We might have landed right on our face, but this foundation was solid. And it was there. We landed." Mary Beth Chapman

If I Were King ....

I would put a ban on useless political coverage. Is anyone else as sick of the election as I am? Well, maybe not the election just the coverage of the election. While is is extremely important to know who has the best economic plan and what they plan to do about our education system, do we really need to know that pet owners prefer McCain to Obama?

Does it matter which potential First Lady has the best style, or should I say which has the best stylist picking out her clothes and trying to make us think they dressed themselves?

I am pretty sick of both the Democrats and Republicans right now. They are too busy fighting to get much of anything done. Can you imagine where we might be if they took all the time they spend skirmishing and put it into actually making a difference? I don't believe it will ever happen.

Maybe we should just open the backdoor and push them all out. Wouldn't that be nice!

We can replace them with people who know how to run things.

Meredith at Merchant Ships can be the Secretary of the Treasury. She will save us enough money to have the national debt payed off in 2 years flat. Hmmm...maybe The Office of Management and Budget would be better for her or better yet, a co- chair with Crystal at Money Saving Mom.

Patty at Morning Ramble can be the Secretary of Agriculture. She will make sure everyone is fed and we will see food production like never before in this country and it will all be organic!

My sweet hubby could be Secretary of Labor because I don't think there has ever been a harder working man alive.

Kim at Daisy Cottage could be Secretary of the Interior. She would have everything looking great!

My daughter Laura can be Secretary of State because she is a world traveler and after working in theater for so long knows how to deal with difficult people and get a diverse group to get it all together and put on a great show!

After what Angie has been through this past year she definitely should be Secretary of Health and Human Services. We would all have health care after she got through and only one page of info to fill out to get it!

Secretary of Education would be the people at Ambleside of course!

Secretary of Transportation would have to be my daughter, Juliana, because she is on the road with her friends constantly. Who better to know what our transportation system needs than someone who makes such good use of it?

I'd have to think about the rest for awhile. Who would be President? Oh I don't know...probably the guy would looks best in the blue suit.

Oh Flip!

If you like to read your blog standing on your head I've got a link for you.

spɹoʍ ɹnoʎ dılɟ oʇ ʞuıl ǝɥʇ sı ǝɹǝɥ This confirms the fact, once and for all, that I am

full of absolutely useless information. Have fun flipping.

For Angie

I found this article about Squash Vine Borers that might help us avoid them. This is what a plant with an infestation looks like...

Harvest The Rain

So far this year rain levels here have been pretty good. Everything is growing and looking wonderful. I can't wait to start harvesting fresh vegetables.

Last year was a different story with an almost 16 inch deficit in rain. I've decided that I want to set up a rain barrel system to harvest some of the rain now for the drier months. I have to get my husband on board to help me.

In surfing the internet I found a wonderful article about harvesting rain at Mother Earth News. Great info for those who are interested in building their own rain system suitable for whole house use.

Then there is the pdf file The Texas Manual On Rainwater Harvesting. Pretty dry reading but it contains fascinating facts about how rainwater is captured and used in different parts of the country and world. Did you know that The Lady Bird Johnson Wildflower Research Center in Austin, Texas, harvests 300,000 gallons of rainwater annually from almost 19,000 square feet of roof collection area for irrigation of its native plant landscapes?

And finally there is this article from the Maryland Environmental Development site with even better info on a simple barrel system that seems more in keeping with a small home garden.

The Cause Of Grey Hair

This email has been going around. I think my Mom sent it to me. It is very true and I thought I would share it.

Do you worry?

Is there a magic cut-off period when offspring become accountable for their own Actions? Is there a wonderful moment when parents can become detached spectators in the lives of their children and shrug, 'It'sTheir life,' and feel nothing?

When I was in my twenties, I stood in a hospital corridor waiting for doctors to put a few stitches in my son's head. I asked, 'When do you stop worrying?' The nurse said, 'When they get out of the accident stage.' My Dad just smiled faintly and said nothing.

When I was in my thirties, I sat on a little chair in a classroom and heard how one of my children talked incessantly and disrupted the class. I was certain that he was headed for a career making license plates. As if to read my mind, the teacher said, 'Don't worry, they all go through this stage and then you can sit back, relax and enjoy them.' My dad just smiled faintly and said nothing.

When I was in my forties, I spent a lifetime waiting for the phone to ring... the cars to come home... the front door to open. A friend said,'They're trying to find themselves. Don't worry, in a few years, you can stop worrying. They'll be adults.' My dad just smiled faintly and said nothing.

By the time I was 50, I was sick & tired of being vulnerable. I was still worrying over my children, but there was a new wrinkle. There was nothing I could do about it. My Dad just smiled faintly and said nothing.

I continued to anguish over their lives, be tormented by their frustrations and absorbed in their disappointments. My friends said that when my kids were married, I could stop worrying and lead my own life. I wanted to believe that, but I was haunted by my Dad's warm smile and his occasional, 'You look pale. Are you all right? Call me the minute you get home. Are you upset about something?'

Can it be that parents are sentenced to a lifetime of worry? Is concern for one another handed down like a torch to blaze the trail of human frailties and the fears of the unknown? Is concern a curse or is it a virtue that elevates us to the highest form of life?

One of my children became quite irritable recently, saying to me, 'Where were you? I've been calling for 3 days, and no one answered I was worried.' I smiled a warm smile. The torch has been passed.

The Road not Taken

by Robert Frost, 1874-1963

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay n leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back. I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence; Two roads diverged in a wood, and I�

I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.

TGIF

It is Friday. The end of the week and what a week!

All 3 of our family vehicles have been in the shop in the past week. Fortunately only one is being worked on. Unfortunately it is to the tune of $1454.00. Yikes! We just spent $500.00 on it last week. It seems that the mechanic we used did more damage than good. We paid with a check and at this point it doesn't seem we have any recourse except to pay to have someone fix what he was supposed to fix and what he messed up.

We have SSI taxes from our business to pay from last year and the first quarter of this year. All due this week. We have money due from customers that is late. That would help if they would just send it.

On top of it all my 92 year old MIL fell and either broke her arm or messed up her shoulder. I called to check on her but her daughter was outside and I couldn't understand what exactly happened. I need to call back today and see if I can talk to someone else.

You know, in spite of it all, I'm kind of OK. Life goes on. The sun is shining and it is 76 degrees. I'm going to finish my work and I'm going to work in my yard. I want to plant some tomatoes and squash and I need to get the garden ready.

For those that might be wondering when I will post another "To Do" list post, I promise it will be soon. This week has just not been a good one for it.

I've been thinking a lot about the feelings of happiness and how fleeting they can be. I've come to the conclusion that we aren't meant to stay in a state of happiness . If we did, what would be the catalyst for change in our lives?

I found this quote:

Men spend their lives in anticipations,—in determining to be vastly happy at some period when they have time. But the present time has one advantage over every other—it is our own. Past opportunities are gone, future have not come. We may lay in a stock of pleasures, as we would lay in a stock of wine; but if we defer the tasting of them too long, we shall find that both are soured by age. Charles Caleb Colton

I like that. It reminds me that the time to be happy is now. Here in this place. Just as my life is. My task is to find those things in my day to day. To "lay stock of pleasure", and enjoy them now To cease a life of anticipation and live one of simple joy.

Picture: From my backyard.

How Clean Is Your House?

The BBC show How Clean Is Your House is almost like watching a car accident. You are appalled and repulsed at what you see and yet you just can't look away. How can people live like this? A more important question is how can they make their children live like this?

I have often wondered what happens after the big makeover. To live in such filth there must be some sort of mental illness at play. How long before they return to the pitiful state they were in before? Shudder. All I can say is don't watch this if you are eating unless you have a strong stomach.

Spring Days

Tomorrow is the first day of Spring. We have been bombarded with wind and rain all day today. We have a tornado watch until 9 tonight. March is definitely approaching it's end like a lion this year.

Singing The Blogging Blues

I'm just not feeling this blogging gig these days. Since Christmas I have been trying to get back into the swing of posting regularly and it just hasn't happened. I know my family and a few others read on a fairly regular basis, so I will just have to apologize and promise to try to do better.

The thing is, for a change, I actually have lots of stuff outside my home to do. We work, live, sleep, and play here. All day, everyday. So I relish the opportunity to do something outside these walls. If I don't, I don't really have anything to write about.

Honestly, writing about the latest coupon adventure, pantry reorganizing, or decorating project just isn't floating my boat these days. I never intended for this blog to become all about those things. I just got so excited when I found all those blogs about the things I am interested in that I jumped in with both feet. Taking part and enjoying all the comradery and learning lots as well.

My blog started out to be what the title implies, a look through my life. My thoughts, feelings, opinions and interest, the things I do and think about. As shocking as it may seem to some...it isn't my house, pantry or kitchen all the time. LOL. Recently that has been more about reading, painting, singing and daydreaming and planning my future than anything else.

I never really even thought about people really reading or commenting on what I wrote but when they did I felt a lot of pressure to continue to produce a blog that would be interesting to others and frankly that in itself became a burden to me. I need to get back to what I intended in the beginning whether it is interesting to others or not. It has to be real for me before I can really enjoy doing it.

So, if there is anyone out there, besides my family, still reading this I hope you will bear with me as I go through some changes here. Hopefully for the better. But I'm not making ANY promises!

Awww Shucks!

Patty over at Morning Ramble passed this along to me last weekend.

I was taking a last browse over the blogs I read before we were on our way out the door to visit our families in Alabama. I didn't have time to respond then. We just got home last night, so I want to thank Patty, send her a big hug.

I'm passing this along to: My real life friend, Angie, who has been through so much this past year, at Simple Living Through God, to Michelle, a fellow Tennessean, at Life's Accidental Journey, and Rebecca, who is so patiently waiting for her new daughter to be able to come home, at Globe Trotting Army Wife.

Sad

Yesterday, here in Knoxville, they buried the young actor Brad Renfro. He was only 25. They found him dead in his home last week. The autopsy results are still pending.

Somewhere in my piles and piles of books is an elementary school annual with his picture in it. My son used to play basketball after school with him and they would sometimes ride bikes together.

I didn't realize who he was until after The Client came out and my son told me. Years later I asked my son why he stopped hanging out with Brad and he told me that Brad had a wild side that he just wasn't comfortable with. Even in elementary school he was already smoking and to my kids that was a big deal.

Brad struggled for years with alcohol and drugs and got into trouble many times. We would follow the news reports and shake our heads. Not in judgement, at least I like to think so, mainly just feeling sorrow. How can you not feel sorry for someone so young.

While Brad was being buried the news channels broke the story that another young actor, Heath Ledger was found dead ,in a New York apartment, with pills scattered around him. They think it was an accidental overdose or maybe suicide. Both young men left behind young children who will never know their fathers. How very sad. They were both talented and gifted actors.

So many of our young people today want to live a Hollywood type lifestyle. I read recently about a survey that has been give to high school age teens since the 60's. They ask students what they would like to be when they grow up. Formerly the answers were along the lines of doctor, teacher, nurse, engineer, etc. The most recent surveys given report that the number one answer now is...famous. They just want to be famous. How profoundly sad is that? With the advent of the Internet and especially You Tube many kids have posted some disturbing content just to get noticed. In a way bizarrely fulfilling that desire.

Right now the media can't seem to get enough of Brittney Spears. Reportedly they have already written her obituary. Even Dr. Phil, according to her family, "sold her out". Maybe if we quit buying the magazines, watching the shows or stopped clicking on the links. I don't know, but at least it is something. Maybe just pray for them.

Pics: Top: Brad Renfro. Middle: Heath with his daughter Matilda Bottom: Heath Ledger Not my pics of course.